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"Jesus on the mainline: tell him what you want," sang Ry Cooder. In fact, to reach Jesus, you need to route your call through Systems, and ask for Big Jeezy in IT. But that doesn't matter, because here at Weaponizer, we have Jesus' direct dial. You wanna know what's happening out there in Netland? Ask Jesus! What have you got for us this week, JC?
Hello sinners! Jesus here, and I'm feeling refreshed after a week off work decorating my house with the missus. We painted six walls in a colour called 'Dead Sea Scrolls Beige', and had to spend Sunday washing the flecks out of the cat's fur. But it was worth it - the flat now has an aura of serene, middle-class blandness, which is very conducive to reading philosophy and glossy mags in easy chairs. DIY isn't my strong point - don't ask me to put up shelves - but painting, I find, can be quite therapeutic!
Speaking of people who 'do it themselves', here's to the bunch of NC State students who created the world's most powerful anti-matter beam, in the shape of a Star Trek warp reactor. Life imitating art! Scientists are convinced that anti-matter has a lot to do with the creation of the Universe - but I'm not so sure, according to Dad, he just used lots of glue and sticky tape - basically how I would go about making shelves.
Going back now to the origins of early man (no, not that Garden of Eden yarn, that's what we call 'a parable' - look it up), biologists recently came up with the theory that even some of our ancestors were ginger. I don't find this surprising - Jesus' own beard has ginger patches! Meanwhile, geneticists claim to have found the gene that allows you to speak proper English, rather than mumbling, grunting and pointing at stuff. As to whether the gene, FOXP2, actually advances communication... it's tough to say. I find that with my girlfriend and my best male friends, grunts and vague gestures are all that is required for happy conversation.
Fans of the X-Men will want to know about this - the Wolverine Movie is set for release in May '09! I'm very excited about the Wolverine movie - hopefully the director / writer will apply some of the punches pulled in Wolverine's portrayal in the main franchise. I wanna see some blood on those claws!
Contrary to popular belief, I am a big fan of Darwin's theory of evolution. It's a lot more credible than some of the bollocks they wrote about me in the Bible anyway! More evidence has been gathered by a team of paleontologists from Bristol about reptile species' origins. There's mud in the eye for those pesky Creationists!
From good to bad science - check out this feature on Oliver Curry's theory about human evolution. I don't think things are going this way - splitting the human race into two classes, one intelligent and dominant, one with low forebrows, aggressive tendencies and binge drinking problems. Or at least, if things are going this way, I think the split will be cultural rather than genetic. You can basically already divide human culture this way - I put the dividing line somewhere around the question of whether you watch football (X-Factor for girls), or whether you play online games. It's a choice, not a biological imperative, fools!
More evolutionary tomfoolery (you sense a theme?): yet more people claiming they can cure gayness. I was going to read this story at work today, but the porno-filter on my work server stopped me! That's hardly fair, supposing I was genuinely gay and wanted a cure? Well, I suppose that would be impossible anyway... it's just a Rush Limbaugh fantasy.
Finally, a link to the new NIN (Nine Inch Nails) self-publishing site - on 1 November you can buy a download of the new Saul Williams album, which was co-produced by Trent Reznor. Support internet liberation of itinerant musical geniuses! Here's an embedded player to have fun with:
Till next time...
- JC
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