Jesus Christ's Internet Digest


"Jesus built my car," claimed Al Jourgenson of Ministry, but frankly, that claim is somewhat suspicious. Perhaps I'd have believed Al if he'd said, "Jesus networked my PC," or "Jesus set up my home wireless network, and helped me filter spam out of my Yahoo account," but obviously that has a different lyrical effect. Anyway, here's Big Jeezy with this week's dose of link-based fun and frolics.

Take it away JC...

Hi folks, Jesus here. I hope you all had fun with my 'Make Your Own Fireworks' post last week, and started a few major fires. There were a total of 87 callouts on November 5th for Lothian fire brigade, and I'd like to think that some of you contributed to that number after reading the links I suggested.

Technology is a kind of specialist subject for me. I love technology - and I'm always the first to check out whatever new gadget or gizmo comes on the market. Technology's only good if it can be used to do something useful, in my opinion. For years, people have struggled to come up with a use for the Tesla coil, and now some scientists have managed to do just that, by making it play the theme tune from Super Mario Bros. We here at Weaponizer applaud such bold applications of scientific theory. More power to your coils, Mr Tesla!

One of the most frequently misinterpreted parts of the Bible is the phrase :"The meek shall inherit the earth." This was actually a typo, which was never corrected - the actual phrase should be: "The geek shall inherit the earth." With the ascendancy of such flat-out geeks as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates to positions of massive power and influence, we can see this particular Biblical prediction beginning to pay off. However, it seems that in the modern politically correct age, the term 'geek' has also been deemed to be inappropriate. As such, the term has been retired and put to bed. My fellow IT bods and I are rather sad about this - so now we pay our respects at the Tomb of the Geek.



Who knows, perhaps this elegant memorial will become a place of worship in the future - bespectacled technocrats standing around and genuflecting before the Monitor of Monitors, remembering the sadly-passed era of Geek Antiquity.

Or perhaps not. Either way, the term Geek is out - we now refer to ourselves as Otaku, because we all love Japanese stuff. I know Otaku is basically just Japanese for Geek, but it sounds much cooler. That's enough about that.

Looking once more to the stars, this week brings news that previously difficult-to-detect black holes known as Quasars have been detected by NASA scientists, using a method which seems to be the telescopic equivalent of a giant Hoover. Basically by clearing cosmic dust from their virtual lenses, scientists can now see the areas where these Quasars appear. Brilliant news, I'm sure you'll agree - usually if I want to see a gigantic hole that sucks in all light and matter, making existence impossible on a cosmic scale, I watch the latest contestant on X Factor.

Some news now about social networking site Facebook - it seems certain wags at the Facebook HQ have been monkeying with your private data, throwing around pornography and random insults like chimpanzees throwing excrement at a tea party. No surprises here for me - the whole Facebook debacle seems to be just an overblown excuse for wasting time in the office by being a Pirate Zombie Monkey Ninja, which frankly is more entertaining in the widescreen environs of your own brain than it is on a public message board. Give me an old fashioned BBS anyday!

I'll finish with the news that the earth's oldest inhabitant has been discovered - no, not a diminutive Chinese centenerian, but in fact a bearded clam, aged 426. Apparently the clam was seen as having a unique cultural vantage point on human history, and was asked a series of questions by scientists to establish its' opinions on the more important cultural events of the last five centuries. It seems the clam is in agreement with the rest of braindead humanity, having declared its' favourite band to be the Beatles, its' favourite TV show to be Friends, and its' favourite brand of training shoe to be Nike Air Jordans. How unimaginative!

More from me next week - for now I'll finish by recommending my favourite site for reviews of X-Men and other Marvel comic titles:

  • http://www.thexaxis.com/
  • http://ifdestroyed.blogspot.com/

    • The X-Axis and its' accompanying blog are a great way to stay in touch with what's going on in teh X-Universe if, like Weaponizer head honcho Bram, you can't be arsed with their most recent crossover "epic."

    Until next time - keep it Jeezy!

    - JC



    Jesus Christ's Internet Digest